It is about 8:40p.m. on a Thursday nigh and I’m alone in a booth at my fav Chinese restaurant. I feel content, comfy, and safe. I don’t feel judged or out of place like normal, probably because I come here way too much. Usually if I’m eating alone I get it to-go and eat at home alone binge watching Netflix. Tonight I decided to take a break from my regularly scheduled program and do something I never do. Go out to eat ALONE! 1. Because I am afraid of ending up alone and 2. I hate the looks people give you when you eat alone. This is something I think I personally really needed. So let’s talk about how Galen ended up here.
I tried to slide into someone’s dm’s ( direct messages) last night and it was an epic fail ( in my opinion). No I didn’t send nudes, I just simply tried to start a friendly conversation. It hasn’t been a full 24 hours just yet but I deleted the thread not even giving the poor boy a chance to reply. Why you may ask? Because I don’t see myself as the relationship starter. Maybe it’s the fairy tale part of me I learned about as child or maybe it’s my personality type. I’m not really sure, but I’m sure that was one of the biggest risks I’ve taken thus far when it comes to my love life and the lack there of.
I don’t have regrets just yer, I also don’t feel sad. Quite frankly there is still some hope that the next time I log into Twitter there is a message from there or that he’ll see me at church and just come up and say hi! I’ll keep you posted to if that will happen or not I’m just proud I actually sent it. That’s a small sign of courage in me.
I believe though before I can rush into a relationship I need to work at getting better at being by alone. This dinner is a true start. If you know me you know I am a social butterfly, but sometimes I use my friends as my crutch. Something I must stop doing. It’s time for me to jump and fly by myself. To get uncomfortable and know that I am truly never alone in this world even if I am for this season.
Because boyfriends aren’t forever and I need to know that I will be okay and secure when I have one and when I don’t. Not only a significant other but also with my friends and family. This is only a small step one day I would love to take a vacation to another state or country completely on my own. We shall see when and where that will take place.
This whole experience basically taught me that I have a lot further to go in my journey of self love. Also that I’m not close to where I want to be but I way farther from where I began. The past Galen would have probably cried for a good three days questioning her beauty, intelligence, and morals. I’m not saying that those thoughts haven’t crossed I’m saying that because I know who I am they won’t stay . And the best is that I won’t give up! Neither should you!